The Drake Institute now offers remote treatment for ADHD, autism, and other brain-based disorders. With the help of our trained clinicians, you can get the help you need from the comfort of your home.
Learn More >>The Drake Institute now offers remote treatment for ADHD, autism, and other brain-based disorders. With the help of our trained clinicians, you can get the help you need from the comfort of your home.
Learn More >>ADHD and relationships can be challenging at times. Indeed, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can significantly impact a person’s social and intimate relationships. Symptoms like inattention, hyperactivity (primarily in children), and impulsivity can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
A few common examples: the impulsive child can come off bossy, controlling, violate others personal space, and have limitations in being able to control their behavior. They often don’t realize that they’re doing anything wrong and may feel that people are being unfair to them with their criticisms. In adults, the partner of an inattentive adult may feel like they’re not being listened to as if its purposeful, but typically it isn’t.
Individuals with ADHD might forget important dates, miss appointments, or struggle to follow through on commitments. This forgetfulness can make their partner feel neglected, unimportant, or unappreciated. Difficulty focusing during conversations or hyperfocusing on hobbies to the exclusion of spending quality time with their partner can further strain the relationship.[i]
However, ADHD individuals can still experience meaningful and fulfilling relationships.[ii] Anecdotal evidence reveals that ADHD can even have a positive impact on a relationship, with ADHD partners bringing a sense of energy, creativity, and spontaneity as they keep things exciting.[iii] ADHD relationship struggles can be managed.
Even in the best of cases, it is advised to treat the underlying cause of ADHD, which is brain dysregulation.
For decades, the Drake Institute has used advanced treatment technologies to create customized treatment protocols for patients with autism, ADHD, and other brain-based conditions. Brain map-guided neurofeedback and neurostimulation help our ADHD patients reduce their symptoms and lead better lives.
For more information about how the Drake Institute treats ADHD and several other brain-based conditions, please fill out the consultation form or call us at 800-700-4233.
ADHD symptoms can affect relationships in all areas of life, including school, home and work. In fact, ADHD and relationship problems frequently run together.
But just how does ADHD affect social relationships? What about romantic ones?
Though it’s not intentional, the core ADHD symptom of inattention can lead to forgetfulness or zoning out during conversations, which can feel disrespectful to friends, coworkers, or partners. Impulsivity can lead to making choices that may ignore their partner’s needs or feelings, causing significant emotional strain on the relationship. Though it’s not intentional by the ADHD individual, it can feel intentional to others. Here are a few more examples of the ADHD impact on relationships[iv]:
Inattention in ADHD can lead to easy distractibility. This can manifest in a partner forgetting important dates, missing appointments, or neglecting household duties. Though again it’s not intentional, it can appear that the ADHD individual is insensitive to others, and leave the other person feeling unheard, unimportant, and potentially resentful.
For example, forgetting birthdays and anniversaries may not simply be due to not caring but rather inattention. Errands and chores may end up taking much longer than expected when the person gets distracted by an incoming email or social media.
In the same way that inattention can be a problem for relationships, hyperfocus can lead to neglect of a partner and other ADHD and relationship issues. Getting absorbed in a hobby or work for hours on end without acknowledging your partner’s needs can create feelings of being ignored and a lack of prioritization.
Spending an entire day engrossed in a hobby interest without talking to your partner or acknowledging their attempts to communicate with you could be a sign of hyperfocus. Hyperfocus can also lead to neglect of duties like house chores or relevant work projects, which can increase financial and emotional stress.
Forgetfulness is another common challenge and can lead to hardships and misunderstandings in a relationship. The non-ADHD partner may feel that forgetting routine tasks or agreed-upon responsibilities is being done on purpose or out of carelessness, but typically it’s unintentional.
A partner with ADHD might forget to pay bills on time, leading to service interruptions and financial strain. Similarly, forgetting to pick up medications or groceries can create tension and increase pressure in the relationship.
A constantly cluttered environment or unfinished tasks around the house can be stressful for both partners and can easily become a source of conflict.
For instance, misplacing important documents or keys repeatedly can lead to unnecessary wasted time and frustration. Additionally, a disorganized or even messy household has been linked to an increase in stress and anxiety[v], which can increase relationship tension.
Impulsivity is a common symptom of ADHD. In children, this shows up as challenges related to interrupting, blurting out, risk taking, and other behavioral issues.
In adult relationships, some of the ways that impulsivity may manifest include blurting out inappropriate comments in social settings, causing embarrassment to your partner, impulsive spending, and making decisions impulsively without first consulting your partner.
Putting things off until the last minute can create chaos and stress for both partners. Paying bills, renewing services, or even getting ready for a date can be challenging for those with ADHD and their partners.
For example, a partner with ADHD might wait until the last minute to complete a chore, which can disrupt a couple’s schedule, increasing relationship stress and anxiety. Or the partner may put off getting ready until the last minute, making them late for an important appointment.
People with ADHD may experience emotional dysregulation that can disrupt relationships. ADHD-driven mood swings can be unpredictable and very destabilizing for a relationship.
Stubbornness can be used as a coping mechanism for those with ADHD, particularly men.[vi] Stubbornness and inflexibility may manifest as a response to fear of change or failure.
One example of ADHD-driven stubbornness might be when a partner insists on doing things their way, even though their approach is demonstrably less effective.
Individuals with ADHD are more likely to experience sexual challenges in relationships.[vii] There are many ways that ADHD negatively impacts on relationships which can lead to an overall sense of resentment or frustration, reducing intimacy in and out of the bedroom.
Hyperfocus on work or hobbies, for instance, can leave little time or emotional energy for quality time with their partner. Difficulty expressing emotions openly or managing mood swings can make it challenging to build emotional intimacy, creating a barrier to deeper intimacy.
So, does ADHD affect relationships? Absolutely. ADHD can impact relationships in a variety of ways, but couples can learn effective strategies to reduce its negative impacts.
The most successful approach is to address the underlying cause of ADHD: brain dysregulation. At the Drake Institute, we specialize in non-drug treatment for ADHD. We help patients reduce symptoms by improving brainwave activity through non-invasive neurofeedback.
To support clinical treatment, both partners can also learn how to minimize the effects of ADHD on their relationship.
Here are some additional recommendations to help minimize the impact of ADHD on your relationship:
Educate yourself on ADHD and its symptoms. Understanding the struggles an individual with ADHD goes through and how ADHD manifests can help reduce your frustration and help you avoid taking your partner’s ADHD-driven behavior so personally.
Open and honest communication is essential. Express your feelings and needs directly and encourage your partner to do the same. Both partners can practice active listening and try to understand the other’s perspective without judgment.
Change takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you both learn and adapt. Celebrate small improvements and focus on progress as you both aim for the same goal. If you’re experiencing significant relationship distress, make sure you also seek clinical treatment and consider couple’s therapy.
Recognizing sudden outbursts or mood shifts as a symptom of ADHD - and not an intentionally hurtful act - can help with understanding. Learning not to take your ADHD partner’s behavior or symptoms so personally can dramatically reduce relationship stress.
Living with ADHD can be difficult for the individual, as well as for their partner. Try to understand your partner’s experience and offer support. Validate their feelings and work collaboratively to find solutions.
Taking care of yourself is critical in an ADHD relationship. Each partner should schedule time for activities they enjoy, as well as time for exercise, healthy diet and sleep to help better cope with symptoms.
Working through ADHD-related challenges together is crucial for the best outcomes. Discuss where each of your strengths and weaknesses lie and come up with a system that works for both of you. Keep lists of responsibilities in a visible place to help avoid ADHD-driven executive dysfunction.
In our clinical experience over many years of treating adult ADHD, the first priority should be reducing ADHD symptoms to reduce relationship conflict resulting from the ADHD. At the Drake Institute, we use brain map-guided neurofeedback to improve brain functioning and reduce symptoms. In addition, couple’s counseling can be helpful.
Over the last 40 years, the Drake Institute has clinically pioneered the use of advanced treatment technologies to treat a variety of brain-based medical disorders such as ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, depression, insomnia, and more. Using a combination of brain map-guided neurofeedback and sometimes neurostimulation, our Medical Director creates customized treatment protocols to address each patient's needs.
To develop our individualized treatment plans, we first complete a qEEG brain map analysis for each patient. Brain mapping helps us identify which specific regions or networks of the brain are dysregulated linked to symptoms.
To collect this data, 19 sensors are placed around the scalp in areas of the brain responsible for language, focus, memory, executive functioning, social/emotional understanding and behavioral/emotional regulation. The 19 sensors measure and record brainwave activity that is processed through a normative database of neurotypical individuals.
When we compare the patient's results with those of neurotypical individuals, we can identify regions or networks of the brain that are dysregulated and causing symptoms. This information also allows us to determine how these areas are dysregulated so that we can develop specific treatment protocols that help improve brain functioning and reduce symptoms.
During neurofeedback training/treatment, sensors are once again placed on the scalp. The sensors record and display instantaneous brainwave activity visually in real-time on a computer screen with simultaneous auditory feedback as well.
During neurofeedback sessions, the patient is seeing the results of how their brain is working and with this information, they learn to improve their brainwave activity by guiding it toward healthier, more appropriately functional brainwave patterns.
We do not administer any drugs or perform invasive procedures during this process. Instead, the patient is improving their own brain functioning, guided by visual and auditory feedback.
As an adjunct to neurofeedback, we may also use neurostimulation guided by qEEG brain map findings to gently stimulate the brain into healthier functional patterns. In our experience, some patients may benefit even more from neurofeedback if we also use neurostimulation. We have found this particularly helpful for lower-functioning children on the Autism Spectrum.
In the last forty years, Drake has helped thousands of patients with various disorders such as autism, ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, depression, insomnia, migraine headaches, irritable bowel syndrome, and hypertension reduce or resolve their symptoms and thereby achieve a better quality of life. Call us at 1-800-700-4233 or fill out the free consultation form to get started.
[i] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adhd/adhd-and-relationships
[ii] https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/ss/slideshow-adhd-relationship-tips
[iii] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adhd/adhd-and-relationships
[iv] https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/ss/slideshow-adhd-relationship-tips
[v] https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-clutter-affects-health
[vi] https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-men-relationship-anger-shame-communication/
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Interview with Dr. David Velkoff
Seth's Story
Interview with Dr. David Velkoff
Spanish News Feature
“David F. Velkoff, M.D., our Medical Director and co-founder, supervises all evaluation procedures and treatment programs. He is recognized as a physician pioneer in using biofeedback, qEEG brain mapping, neurofeedback, and neuromodulation in the treatment of ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, and stress related illnesses including anxiety, depression, insomnia, and high blood pressure. Dr. David Velkoff earned his Master’s degree in Psychology from the California State University at Los Angeles in 1975, and his Doctor of Medicine degree from Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta in 1976. This was followed by Dr. Velkoff completing his internship in Obstetrics and Gynecology with an elective in Neurology at the University of California Medical Center in Irvine. He then shifted his specialty to Neurophysical Medicine and received his initial training in biofeedback/neurofeedback in Neurophysical Medicine from the leading doctors in the world in biofeedback at the renown Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas. In 1980, he co-founded the Drake Institute of Neurophysical Medicine. Seeking to better understand the link between illness and the mind, Dr. Velkoff served as the clinical director of an international research study on psychoneuroimmunology with the UCLA School of Medicine, Department of Microbiology and Immunology, and the Pasteur Institute in Paris. This was a follow-up study to an earlier clinical collaborative effort with UCLA School of Medicine demonstrating how the Drake Institute's stress treatment resulted in improved immune functioning of natural killer cell activity. Dr. Velkoff served as one of the founding associate editors of the scientific publication, Journal of Neurotherapy. He has been an invited guest lecturer at Los Angeles Children's Hospital, UCLA, Cedars Sinai Medical Center-Thalians Mental Health Center, St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, California, and CHADD. He has been a medical consultant in Neurophysical Medicine to CNN, National Geographic Channel, Discovery Channel, Univision, and PBS.”
